NOX guide to... setting up an online news agency

With the credibility of a month-old tabloid and a staff of – for lack of a better word – journalists, the number of Jordanian “news agencies” crowding cyberspace is growing. And few offer any substance. Even worse, they’ve managed to bring everything that is self-serving in the traditional Jordanian media – personal attacks, lack of proper sourcing and empty rhetoric – to the new news media.

So, by adding a few columnists capable of writing composition at fifth grade level, you can claim that you have the number one news website in Jordan. Here is all you need to start your own revolutionary "new media" outlet.
(From left to right)

Wannabe journalist
His second career option is unemployment, so sitting in a corner and posting links to Suzanne Tamim stories is a great improvement. He should be easy to recruit and can be found in plenty of downtown cafes.

Sleazy veteran journalist
Known for his ministry connections, this guy took his few months as a columnist in a daily paper as sufficient credentials for creating his own news agency. He is a womanising heavy drinker, and loves to brag that most of his columns are pre-written by authoritative entities. You need to get him on your side fast.

Stack of tabloids
This is your main resource when real news dries up. Whether they are recent or a few years old, you can easily fill  your “Quick Bulletins” with gossip, not to mention recycle crime stories using different locations. Just use your imagination.

Guilt-ridden sponsor
Find a large, unwieldy corporation which is more than happy to “support promising media projects”, as long as you keep them out of your criticism. If you’re struggling to find a sponsor, just slap a logo on your front page and send them the bill. Presto!

Cheesy slogan
This can be tough to come up with, since all the good ones are taken. You may want to go with something shocking and expressive like “freedom of press like no mother f*cking other”. Catchy.

Controversial stand-by
Whenever you feel like traffic is slowing down, you need to call for back-up. A good option is any ex-Communist party member who is guaranteed to take the most radical perspective on anything.

Coffee shop with a compromised reputation
This will double as the headquarters, and other than saving any potential expenses for office space, will ensure that you are close to the “beat of the street”. This includes breaking news in the form of “exclusive pictures of the accident on University St” and “old man claims the Jews are coming!”