Top 10 ways to get the most out of summer

Like every year, we all head into May with bold promises about what we’re going to do every Friday, how much of Jordan/the region/outer space we’re going to explore and how many road trips we’re going to go on – only to stick to exactly the same routines as we did in January, and maybe slope down to the Dead Sea a couple of times because there’s your cousin’s wedding. Imagination failure seems to be a national disease, doesn’t it?

10. Go freelance
Why ruin the summer with traffic-clogged commutes, late nights in the office and dodgy air-conditioning?

Summer is not a time to have a full-time job – or at least one with regular hours. With five months of outstanding weather stretching out in front of you, you don’t want to waste it sitting in a fluorescent-lit cubicle trying to get the air-conditioning remote to work. There are plenty of “jobs” that can be done from home – flaky pursuits like writing, painting and composing are ideal – and mean that you can roll out of bed when you wish, relax on the terrace with a fresh orange juice until, oooh, at least 11am, and then hide from the heat of the day for a good couple of hours of meaningful contemplation. Any real work can be done after midnight – because it’s not as if you have to get up the next day, is it?
So, there’s no alarm clock, no ironing a shirt, no commute and no sitting in a traffic jam on Medina Menowara Street because Jordanian drivers haven’t figured out those things called lanes, slip-roads and right-of-way signs yet. Also, if you cram all of your work into a Friday or Saturday, you have all of Jordan to yourself for the rest of the week.

9. Grill some meat
Satiate you’re inner Neanderthal’s lust for meat with a red-blooded grill fest

The nearing of summer brings out a primitive hunger in real men, an urge to find an apron with a lewd sex joke, strap it on, and fire up some red meat. The best way to sharpen your alpha male abilities – and gain the admiration of the feeding public – is to demonstrate your ability to know when your meat is done.

8. Sleep outside
Spending the night under the stars gets you that unrefined feeling of summer

This is an integral part of summer. Sleeping outside means there’s nothing between you and real life: no painted walls, flat screen TVs, or duck-down duvets – which will lead you to the conclusion that we don’t half fill our lives up with expensive rubbish. It also means you don’t have to spend 250JDs a night on a weekend getaway. 
A camping trip is pretty simple to organise – especially in Jordan, where Bedouins all across the south of the country have permanent and semi-permanent camps with tents, fires, and tours into the desert. Bait Ali in Wadi Rum even has showers, toilets and zerb ovens if you’re really missing your Dead Sea Marriott bathrobe. But, seriously, if you’re still unconvinced, no woman can resist a fire, a canopy of stars and the sheer terror of solitude should you threaten to leave in the middle of the night…

7. Take up gardening
Spending 30 minutes a day digging out weeds can significantly improve your libido

We admit this sounds like a difficult one to follow – the closest most of us get to a garden is in the outdoor furniture section of Home Center. But this is one pursuit worth investigating. A study carried out by the Medical University of Vienna earlier this year showed that burning 1,000 calories a week can lead to a 38 per cent rise in your libido, and you can easily spend that much fuel by spending just 30 minutes a day weeding, cutting, digging and planting. And it’s not just us men who appreciate a well-kept bush, women will be flocking to see your stunning backyard. And making a salad with home-grown produce will have her hanging around for dessert – especially if you serve it with freshly flexed, shovel-toned arms.

6. Make rich Gulfi friends
Get yourself a friendly circle of loaded friends in town from Qatar for the summer –and you just might ride out the money crisis

In the current recession, it is of the utmost importance to know people with plenty of cash. If you can prove yourself an indispensable friend – one who knows which club to go to, and how to get 14 men in all at once – than you can freeload through the summer. NOX spoke to the head of one of Jordan’s more affluent families (there are four SUVs in the garage, and two licensed drivers in the family of six) to find out the finer points of what rich people expect from leeches like ourselves:
Be prepared to babysit at anytime: “If we’re hosting a party, we’d rather have the kids out of the house for the night, since the brats never do as their told. The driver can drop them off and pick them up, and you can have take-out on my account.”
Get creative: “Don’t offer bland suggestions; I know them all. A person who can find new things to do or new places to eat in a city I’ve been to a thousand times is definitely one to keep.”
Suck up: “It’s so amusing.”
Don’t talk about whatever you want to talk about: “I appreciate friends who can sense the mood in a room, and doesn’t talk politics when I’m trying to forget the world.”
Be discreet: “Don’t ask questions and keep your lips sealed when told. And don’t even think about blackmailing anyone; it never works out like in the movies…”

5. Get up early
This sounds like a terrible idea, but the world is a beautiful place at 6.37am in June

Yeah, we know, not going to happen. But this is something you should really consider – for a number of reasons. One, the weather is perfect, with soft sunlight and light breezes making you wish you wrote ad campaigns for washing powder. Secondly, it’s quiet – in Amman, that’s a gift you should never take for granted. Thirdly, you can do stuff you otherwise claim you haven’t got time for before hitting the commute; like read a goddamn book (see No.6) or exercise, two things us men we’re not really noted for in the Arab World. Fourthly, if you’re getting on a bit – we’ll say over 40 to not offend the sensibilities of the editor – by getting up early, your maximising the length of each day. And that’s very important when you haven’t got that many left.


4. Take up reading
This is something dear to out hearts. All that time sitting on a lounger is the perfect opportunity to expand your brain

Not that we’re bitter or anything, but if we hear one more Jordanian male say that he “doesn’t have time to read”, we’re going to follow him home, break into his flat, burn his PlayStation, kick a hole in his TV and, frankly, smash the living daylights out of his toilet. The average Arab male spends more time on his backside than any other race alive – that kirsh isn’t merely genetic, you know – yet somehow spending just 20 minutes a day in the company of an open book, or magazine come to think of it, is regarded with the same horror as chemistry homework.
The summer, though, can be the time that we smash that woeful Jordanian statistic about six annual minutes spent reading books. So, the next time you’re parked on a sun-lounger, you can not only absorb free radicals, but thoughts, ideas and sentences that don’t always include the words “with fries and salad”.
And as NOX is freely – that’s freely – distributed at the main Dead Sea Hotels, Dunes Club and most of the Amman hotels with pools, you have no excuse.

3. Shave your head
Not as an act of defiance, but rather an expression of coolness

There are plenty of reasons why a hairless head will make for a better summer. If you’re going grey, for instance, no one will know. If you’re going bald, no one can tell. If you’re going broke, you won’t need to buy shampoo, wax or gel for a while. If you’ve been spotted checking out someone else’s girl, the boyfriend will think twice about starting on you. But there are other benefits; if you are a fan of illicit substances – the ones you smoke, in particular – it will be harder to get caught if you have no hair; traces of marijuana can be detected in your follicles for up to a year.

2. Buy a convertible
Nothing beats driving a drop top in the summer heat – except for maybe having a gorgeous super-model at your side

Ah, the wind in your hair. Yeah, we said it. We know it’s a horrible, horrible cliché, but there’s no more enjoyable way to drive in the summer; a convertible sports car gives unfettered access to both limitless rays of sunshine and admiring glances as you perfect your California playboy pose at every traffic light from Deir Ghbar to the Dead Sea.
And you don’t need to have inherited a land fortune to get your hands on a decent one – second-hand convertibles are now readily available in Jordan, and increasingly at good value. If you want to go German, a BMW Z3 from 2000 probably won’t set you back more than JD10,000. It has a canvas roof and pretty damn impressive drive – if not an especially pretty look. You can also find a 10-year-old first generation SLK for about JD18,000. A bit expensive, but it’s very reliable and has a strong residual value. You also have to check the roof mechanism on all of them – does it lock and unfold properly, and does it fix to the windscreen. The last thing you need is having it fail on you just when those cute girls pass by...

1. Dump your girlfriend
If you’re unsure about the direction your relationship is heading, the summer is a very bad time to be encumbered with an unsatisfactory woman

It happens around the middle of April: the first trip to the Dead Sea of the year, the first taste of turbo-charged salt on your lips since you nearly blinded yourself the previous October and the first sight of the hottest girls in Jordanian wearing less than they usually wear in bed. Then, just as you grab a bottle of Factor 30 and prepare to be a good Samaritan to some feminine shoulder blades, you remember an important fact. You’re not single.
Now, we’re not lambasting the love of a good woman here, we’re merely saying that if you’re not convinced about the one you took to dinner last night, say it now. And say it quickly. Never mind the guilt, forget your reputation, banish thoughts of that nice gift she got you three months ago – this is the summer. It’s just too good to waste on someone whose name you still struggle to remember when she’s giving you a neck rub.

For the full version of the Top 10 list alongwith many other helpful summer tips, see NOX 34